Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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