Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize
