do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
