he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
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