Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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