he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she looked like the before picture.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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