Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Randomize
