I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Randomize
