Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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