He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
