yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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