Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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