we're blogging at a bar
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I need moral support for this bender
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
