maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
