just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
Randomize
