I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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