I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
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