I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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