goodnight i made you a song goodbye
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
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