I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Randomize
