i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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