Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
