Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
