Small penises have feelings too.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
