I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Randomize
