i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
