Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
