i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
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