After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
