i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
