I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
