Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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