I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
