Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
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