By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
