he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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