i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
