I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
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