I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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