Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
