So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
