She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
