I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
