Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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