dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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