i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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