i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
it's great music for shaving your balls
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
