..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
