This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
