Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
