Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
