woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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