walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
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