I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
