so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
