Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
